Unique divorce announcement
Dear former partner,
I trust this letter finds you in good health and high spirits. It is with mixed emotions that I communicate my decision not to return to our shared abode. Reflecting on our seven years together, it is evident that change is inevitable, and in this case, it is necessary for both of us.
The recent fortnight has been quite tumultuous, culminating in a decisive moment when your manager called to inform me of your abrupt resignation. Upon your return home a week ago, my attempt to surprise you with your favorite dish and a fresh haircut went unnoticed. Clad in a pair of brand-new silk boxers, I hoped to rekindle the connection we once shared.
Regrettably, you devoured the meal in record time, indulged in your television dramas, and retired to bed without acknowledging the effort I put into the evening. Our communication has dwindled, expressions of love have become scarce, and our intimacy is but a distant memory. Whether this stems from infidelity or a loss of affection, I have chosen to part ways.
Wishing you a fulfilling journey ahead, your former partner.
P.S. Please refrain from attempting to locate me; your sister and I have decided to start anew in West Virginia. May life bring you joy.
To my previous spouse,
Your letter has undeniably added a touch of humor to my day. Despite the seven years of marriage, your perception of yourself as a kind and wonderful man hasn’t always aligned with reality.
Television dramas have been my escape from the constant complaints, although their effectiveness is inconsistent.
I did notice your new haircut last week, though my initial thought was that it had a surprisingly feminine touch!
My preference for TV dramas aside, I had to keep quiet about your attempt at preparing my favorite dinner since I gave up pork seven years ago. As for the silk boxers, the $49.99 price tag raised an eyebrow, especially considering my sister borrowed $50 from me that very morning.
Despite our differences, I held on to the belief that our love could endure. Imagine my surprise when, following my $10 million lottery win, I returned home to find you gone.
Everything happens for a reason, and I genuinely hope you find the fulfilling life you’ve always sought. Please be aware that, as per my attorney, you won’t be receiving any money from me.
Wishing you luck on your journey, your ex-wife, liberated and prosperous.
P.S. In case I haven’t mentioned it before, my sister Carla was born Carl. I trust this revelation won’t pose any issues.
The Young Man Gets Married
A youthful groom embarked on the journey of matrimony.
His mother, advanced in years, resided under his roof. One evening, as they gathered for supper, his wife abruptly excused herself, retiring to their chamber. Observing her departure, the elder woman advised: “Son, tend to her well. Ensure she does not endure hunger. Look after your wife”.
Concerned for his beloved, he sought her out. “My dear, are you unwell? Why dine alone?” he inquired. She hesitated: “I cannot. The sight of your mother’s hands… it unsettles me”.
Wrinkled and weathered, those hands bore the weight of untold sacrifices. Yet, to his wife, they were a source of discomfort. “What would you propose?” he inquired. She suggested: “Perhaps a nursing home would be best”. Assuring her, he vowed: “Fear not, my love. Tomorrow, we shall resolve this. But first, we must honor our invitation to your parents’ abode. Upon our return, I shall arrange for my mother’s care”.
The following day, accompanied by his wife and mother, they visited her family. Noticeably absent from the table was his mother. Sensing his unease, his wife assured: “She dines alone, in another room”.
Perplexed, he inquired: “Did you instruct her to seclude herself?” She affirmed: “Indeed”.
As the meal commenced, the father-in-law broached the delicate topic. “Son-in-law, our daughter’s happiness is paramount. She deserves a home solely with you. Resolve this matter regarding your mother”, he urged.
Reassuring them, he pledged: “Rest assured, we shall address it today”.
Despite the spread before him, he abstained. “Why do you not partake?” queried the father-in-law. With conviction, he declared: “I cannot. Your hands… they taint my appetite. They mirror your hearts!” His wife was taken aback.
Rising from the table, he sought out his mother, kneeling beside her. Tears streaming, he kissed her hands, imploring: “Come, mother, let us depart”.
Perplexed, she questioned: “But, son, where are we bound?” Overwhelmed, he simply wept. Loading her into the car, he whispered: “To Paradise, mother… to Paradise! Lead me to Paradise, if you are content with me”.
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