Narcissism is a phenomenon in which a person with low self-esteem is afraid of losing authority in the eyes of others, and they begin to manipulate their friends, colleagues, and family to appear better than they really are. These people are so determined. We decided to imagine what it’s like to have your beloved mother like this.
They have a distorted perception of love and achievement, making it nearly impossible for them to make you feel good enough.
Their self-worth hinges on external validation and a facade of perfection. This creates a moving target for your worth in their eyes. You can achieve great things, but their praise might be laced with criticism, or they might simply shift the goalposts to a new, unattainable standard. This leaves you perpetually striving for an unachievable level of approval.
Additionally, their happiness is often transactional. They dole out affection when it suits them, leaving you confused about what truly earns their love. This inconsistency fosters insecurity and self-doubt, making you question your own value no matter what you accomplish. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s inability to offer genuine, unconditional love creates a core belief that you’ll never be good enough, regardless of your efforts.
Narcissistic mothers won’t let their kids’ successes overshadow their own.
Narcissistic mothers crave attention and view their children’s achievements through a distorted lens. While they might brag about their child’s successes superficially, they can’t handle being outshined. This stems from a deep insecurity and a fragile sense of self. Their child’s triumphs become a threat, rather than a source of pride. They may downplay the accomplishment, subtly criticize, or even try to one-up their child with their own past glories, all to maintain a sense of superiority.
She’s only worried about her own problems.
A narcissistic mother’s world often revolves around herself, leaving little room for her child’s emotions or experiences. Their own needs for validation and admiration take priority. They struggle to empathize with their child’s struggles, viewing them as inconveniences or attention-grabbing tactics. This is because the narcissist lacks the emotional maturity to see their child as a separate being with valid feelings. Their child’s problems become burdens to be managed, rather than opportunities for connection and support.
These mothers humiliate their children.
There are a couple of reasons why narcissistic mothers might resort to humiliating their children. One is to maintain control. By publicly criticizing, mocking, or exaggerating their child’s flaws, the mother keeps them feeling insecure and dependent. This fragile self-esteem makes the child less likely to challenge the mother’s authority or seek independence.
Another reason is to bolster the narcissist’s own fragile ego. Putting their child down creates a clear hierarchy where the mother is always superior. This can be especially pronounced if the child shows any potential to outshine the mother, triggering a need to cut them down to size. Ultimately, the humiliation serves the narcissist’s own needs for power and self-importance, leaving the child feeling emotionally bruised and diminished.
She makes kids feel guilty for getting something.
Narcissistic mothers often induce guilt in their children for receiving gifts or achieving success because it reinforces their own sense of control. They might make comments like, «You don’t deserve this, there are others who need it more,» implying the child is selfish for wanting something good. This guilt trip serves a few purposes.
Firstly, it keeps the child feeling indebted and obligated to please the mother. Secondly, it deflects attention away from the mother’s inability to be genuinely happy for her child’s good fortune. Ultimately, by making their child feel guilty, the narcissistic mother manipulates the situation to maintain the focus on themselves and their emotional needs.
She thinks she always deserves the best.
A narcissistic mother’s belief in her own deservingness stems from a distorted sense of self-importance. Deep down, she craves admiration and validation, and views herself as superior to others. This inflated ego convinces her that she deserves the best in life, regardless of her actions or contributions. It’s a constant need to be seen as special and entitled.
This sense of entitlement can manifest in various ways, from expecting lavish gifts and unwavering support to feeling justified in cutting in line or bending the rules. For a narcissistic mother, the «best» isn’t just about material possessions, but also about the constant flow of attention, praise, and control that reinforces her grandiosity.
Her love is unstable. When she needs something, she’s kind. When she doesn’t, she’s rude.
Narcissistic mothers often exhibit a transactional kind of love, where affection is dangled like a carrot. When their needs are unmet, their self-absorption takes center stage. They might become critical, dismissive, or even cold towards their child. Conversely, when they require something — maybe errands run, emotional support, or a public image boost — the kindness faucet turns on.
This emotional inconsistency leaves the child confused and insecure. They never quite know what version of their mother they’ll encounter, creating a constant state of walking on eggshells to avoid the unpredictable shift from loving to cold.
She cares too much about how other people see her.
A narcissistic mother craves external validation and uses how others perceive her as a mirror for her fragile self-esteem. Her self-worth hinges on admiration and a cultivated image of perfection. This makes her hyper-aware of how others view her, particularly in her role as a mother. She might brag excessively about her child’s accomplishments, not necessarily out of pride, but to reflect well on her own parenting skills.
Conversely, any perceived shortcomings in her child become a threat to her image. She might downplay their achievements or even criticize them publicly to maintain a facade of control and superiority in the eyes of others. Ultimately, the well-being and genuine connection with her child become secondary to managing the public perception of a perfect mother and family.
She complains about people that do something against her will.
Narcissistic mothers view any challenge to their control as a personal attack. Their rigid sense of self-importance dictates that things should go their way. When someone, especially their child, dares to act independently or disagree, it triggers a deep sense of entitlement being violated. They may lash out by complaining excessively, playing the victim, or attempting to manipulate the situation back to their desired outcome.
These complaints serve a dual purpose: firstly, to punish the person for disobeying, and secondly, to garner sympathy or support from others, further reinforcing their position of authority. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s complaints about those who defy her are less about the specific action and more about maintaining a power dynamic where she remains in control.
Narcissistic mothers are jealous of their daughters’ beauty. And they pretend to be caring.
A narcissistic mother’s insecurity can turn a daughter’s blossoming beauty into a source of hidden jealousy. They may outwardly offer compliments laced with backhanded remarks, like «You look pretty, but maybe try a different shade of lipstick.» This thinly veiled criticism undermines the daughter’s confidence while maintaining a facade of caring.
Deeper down, the mother might feel threatened by her daughter’s youthful beauty, a stark reminder of her own fading youth and potential loss of attention. This jealousy can manifest in various ways, from sabotaging the daughter’s attempts to dress up for an event to subtly comparing her looks to others. The narcissistic mother’s mask of concern hides a desire to control the narrative, ensuring her daughter’s beauty doesn’t overshadow her own.
She criticizes a lot but almost never gives praise.
Narcissistic mothers often fall into a harsh critic pattern for a few reasons. Firstly, their self-worth is fueled by a need for control and a sense of superiority. Constant criticism keeps their child feeling insecure and dependent, less likely to challenge their authority. Secondly, genuine praise can feel threatening to a narcissist. If their child is successful or confident, it might overshadow the mother’s own perceived importance.
Instead of celebrating their child’s achievements, they might downplay them or even resort to nitpicking flaws. Ultimately, the lack of praise becomes a tool for manipulation. By withholding validation, the narcissistic mother keeps her child striving for approval, a dynamic that reinforces her own sense of power and control.
They’re angry if someone else is in the spotlight.
A narcissistic mother thrives on being the center of attention. Their fragile self-esteem craves constant validation and admiration. When someone else, especially their child, receives praise or recognition, it’s perceived as a direct threat. This triggers a surge of anger because it disrupts their carefully curated image of superiority. They might downplay the other person’s accomplishment, subtly criticize them, or even try to steal the spotlight back to themselves with tales of their own past glories.
This anger isn’t about protecting their child, but about protecting their own inflated sense of self-importance. They can’t bear to share the spotlight, and their reaction reflects a deep-seated insecurity that can leave their child feeling confused and emotionally neglected.
Narcissistic mothers might constantly remind you of the things they’ve done for you.
One is to create a sense of obligation and guilt. By replaying a litany of sacrifices and favors, they make you feel indebted, making it harder to disagree with them or assert your independence. It’s a way to control you through emotional manipulation. Another reason is to inflate their own sense of importance.
Recounting their «good deeds» reinforces their narrative as the selfless caregiver deserving of constant praise and gratitude. Ultimately, these constant reminders are about them, not you. It’s a tactic to maintain power within the relationship and ensure you remain focused on their needs rather than developing your own sense of self.
These narcissistic traits can take a toll. But there’s good news! Our next piece dives into how these experiences shape you, and what you heal from it.
Old Man Sells Shabby Suitcase, Everyone Ignores Him except Lame Boy Who Agrees to Buy It — Story of the Day
A boy goes to the flea market to buy old music tapes, but he takes pity on an elderly man selling an old suitcase, and that act of kindness changes his life.
Martin Farmer’s life wasn’t easy and it contained few pleasures. He was seventeen years old, but he was already carrying a heavy load of responsibility. His mother was ill, and his father had passed away two years before, leaving him as the man of the house.
Shortly after that, a motorbike accident had left Martin with severe injuries to his left leg, which ended his brilliant football career, and he had been counting on football to pay his way through college…
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Unsplash
Money was short so Martin worked after school every day and all day Saturdays to make ends meet and help pay for his mom’s medication. Once in a while he took $5 out of his savings and went to the local flea market to look for old music tapes from the 80s and the 90s.
Those monthly trips to the flea market were his only pleasure — his only hobby. That Sunday, Martin was recovering from a particularly hard week. He had worked hard, but his mother’s medical bills had come in the mail.
His week’s paycheck wasn’t enough to keep the wolves at bay forever, Martin knew that. He and his mother had a heated argument on Saturday night. He wanted to quit school and work full time, but his mother disagreed.
This morning he got up early, made her breakfast, and then headed out for the flea market. At least for a couple of hours, he’d stop thinking about his problems.
It was a beautiful morning so the fair was full of people browsing through the trash and treasures of other people’s lives, and Martin headed for one particular vendor he knew well.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Unsplash
He was standing by the man’s table, going through a treasure trove of old tapes when an old man arrived and set up a pile of old bags and suitcases next door. The man immediately started advertising his wares:
“Suitcases, bags, and briefcases!” he cried in his old cracked voice, “Five dollars apiece, best bargain of your life!”
A woman passing by stopped, looked, and sniffed. “Old junk is what you’ve got! There’s so much mildew on that suitcase it will probably fall apart!”
“Go on, lady!” the old man wheeled. “Help an old man out! I’m clearing out my old treasures and I can sure use the money! Things are tight…”
Another man walked past and nudged a briefcase with his foot. “Old man, I wouldn’t even give a dollar for this piece of trash! You’re not going to sell anything!”
Miracles are found where and when we least expect them.
The old man shook his head. “You’re wrong. The right person will come along because this here is a suitcase full of hope,” he said. “Cause it looks like a suitcase to you, but I promise you, it’s a dream come true!”
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
Martin smiled. He turned to the man and said, “I could use a lot of hope right about now! How much for the dream come true?”
“Young man,” the old man said smiling happily. “This here marvel is 100% genuine leather, made in the 1930s, and it can be yours for only $5!”
Smiling, Martin fished in his pocket for his single $5 note and handed it to the man. “Here you go,” he said.
The man was smiling hugely, and he grabbed Martin’s hand. “You’re a kind boy,” he said. “And you deserve what you’re getting!”
Martin laughed, picked up the old suitcase which was a lot heavier than he’d imagined, and waved a regretful goodbye to the music man. “Next time!” he promised and headed home for lunch.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
When he arrived home, his mother complained about the suitcase right away. “Martin! Did you have to buy junk? We have enough of that! Put it in the garage or it will fill the house with dust!”
Martin obediently carried the suitcase into the garage. He was about to place it on top of an old table when he once again noticed how heavy it was. He opened the suitcase and was surprised to see that it was filled with packages wrapped in newspaper.
Curious, he ripped the newspaper and found a wad of $20 bills! Quickly Martin unwrapped the other packages. It was all money! Thousands of dollars, hundreds of thousands of dollars!
Martin screamed for his mother and she came running. She was speechless at the sight of the piles of money. She didn’t complain about the dust…
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
That night, Martin and his mom counted and recounted the money. There was $300,000! “There’s enough for the medical bills, and the medication…” said Martin.
“Oh, and for college,” said Martin’s mom. “And maybe then we pay off the mortgage…”
“But mom,” Martin said softly. “It’s not our money. The man sold me this suitcase for five dollars and he looked very poor. I’m sure he didn’t know about the money.”
Mrs. Farmer carefully put all the money back in the old suitcase. “In that case, you have to find him, Martin,” she said. “And give it all back to him.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Unsplash
Over the next three weeks, Martin haunted the street markets and flea markets looking for the old man, but he was nowhere to be found. Then one day he saw him at a bus stop, carrying another old suitcase.
“Wait!” Martin cried. “Listen, do you remember me? You sold me an old suitcase? I have to give it back to you!”
“Give it back?” asked the old man. “I don’t want it back!”
“Please, you don’t understand,” Martin said. “The suitcase was full of money, your money!”
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
The old man started laughing. “I know THAT!” he said. “Do you remember what I told you? The suitcase was full of hope and dreams come true. That’s what it’s for. Use it well.”
The old man turned and started to walk away, but Martin ran after him. “But I thought you were poor!”
The man smiled. “No, son. I’m a man who spent his entire life making money and now I find I have more than anyone should have. So I give it to those who are kind enough to help those in need. And that’s you!”
Martin went home and told his mother the old man’s story. They decided to use the money to help her get well and to pay for his college, and from that day on, they included the Suitcase Man in their prayers.
What can we learn from this story?
- Miracles are found where and when we least expect them. Martin and his mother were at the end of their rope when they found the money in the suitcase.
- Acts of kindness are always rewarded. Martin spent his precious $5 to help a man he thought was poorer than he was and received a gift that made his dreams come true.
Share this story with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire them.
If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a young waitress who gave an old homeless man free meals after she recognizes his old broken-down western boots.
This account is inspired by our reader’s story and written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to actual names or locations is purely coincidental. All images are for illustration purposes only. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone’s life.
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