Navigating changes in a relationship, particularly those related to physical appearance, can be a delicate and emotional journey. A Bright Side reader is having a hard time after his wife underwent plastic surgery. He shared a letter with us seeking our advice.
He shared his side of the story.
Here are some tips that we believe can help you.
- Reflect on Your Feelings: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and understand why the changes in your wife’s appearance are affecting you. Are your concerns purely aesthetic, or do they come from deeper emotional reasons? Understanding your own feelings will help you communicate more effectively with your wife.
- Communicate Honestly and Compassionately: Approach the topic with empathy and compassion. Let your wife know that you love her deeply and that your concerns come from a place of care. Use «I» statements to express your feelings without placing blame.
- Focus on Emotions, Not Criticism: Avoid criticizing your wife’s appearance directly. Instead, focus on expressing how the changes make you feel. For example, you might say, «I miss the unique features that made you who you are,» rather than, «You don’t look like yourself anymore.»
- Reassure Her of Your Love: Make sure your wife knows that your love for her goes beyond physical appearance. Reassure her that you’re committed to supporting her through any challenges she faces, including those related to self-image.
- Encourage Open Dialogue: Encourage open and honest communication between the two of you. Create a safe space where both of you feel comfortable expressing your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.
- Seek Professional Help If Needed: If you find it difficult to navigate these conversations on your own, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work through your feelings together.
- Focus on Shared Activities: Spend quality time together engaging in activities that you both enjoy. Focus on building emotional intimacy and strengthening your bond as a couple.
- Support Her Self-Esteem: Encourage your wife to focus on aspects of herself that she feels confident about, aside from her appearance. Remind her of her strengths and accomplishments.
- Be Patient and Understanding: Remember that adjusting to changes in appearance can be a complex process, and it may take time for both of you to adapt. Be patient with each other and offer support along the way.
- Explore Ways to Reconnect: Find ways to reconnect as a couple and reignite the spark in your relationship. Whether it’s through shared hobbies, romantic gestures, or simply spending quality time together, prioritize nurturing your connection.
By approaching the situation with empathy, understanding, and open communication, you can navigate this challenging time with grace and compassion.
Straight Family Man Prefers To Wear Skirts And Heels As He Believes ‘Clothes Have No Gender’
Introducing Mark Bryan, a fashion-forward robotics engineer who is making waves and upending conventional wisdom. Bryan, who has been married for eleven years and is a loving parent, defies stereotypes by dressing in what many would consider unusual clothing. Bryan, an American living in Germany, freely wears heels and skirts, stating that gender norms shouldn’t apply to fashion.
You might wonder, why? Bryan, on the other hand, thinks that men’s fashion—particularly office wear—is very boring, consisting only of dark blues, grays, and blacks with the occasional pinstripe. Is there any passion in that? Conversely, skirts provide an array of designs, patterns, and hues – a veritable rainbow of outfit options!
Bryan embraces a fashion trend that combines parts of the traditionally masculine and feminine, teaming ties and blazers with pencil skirts and four-inch heels. It’s his method of demonstrating the genderlessness of clothing. In addition, when his girlfriend wanted a dancing partner who could match her eye level back in college, he taught her how to walk in heels. After a whole year of preparation, he has been strutting with confidence ever since!
Bryan’s unrepentant attitude disregarded social norms. He dresses in ways that bring him joy while defying conventions. What he says about it is as follows:
Clothes are genderless in my opinion. I like skirts more than dresses. I can’t mix the genders with dresses. Above the waist, I like to look “masculine,” and below the waist, I like to look non-gendered. It’s all about the genderlessness of clothing.
Bryan recalls an era when girls were not supposed to wear pants to school. Pants are now gender neutral. Why not heels and skirts then? Furthermore, males have worn heels in the past. The Persian cavalry of the tenth century, who wore galesh or kalash boots to keep their feet in stirrups, are credited with the invention of high heels. Later, wearing high heels—even by popes—became a status signal for European royalty.
The 18th century saw the emergence of a gender gap in fashion, which Bryan is now challenging, as a result of ridiculous cultural concerns that declared fashion to be a frivolous issue unworthy of “real men.”
Bryan admits that his fashion choices could cause people to double take, even though he advocates for guys to wear high heels. However, he compares the response to seeing someone with vivid green hair, which seems strange at first but eventually becomes just another feature of that individual.
“Leave a person with vivid green hair behind. Green hair is not typical. You glance up and notice someone, and your brain immediately identifies them as having green hair. You may find that strange or intriguing, but you quickly move on to your previous task without giving it any more attention. I think people react the same way when they see me wearing heels and a skirt.
Bryan finds it easy to find heels and skirts that fit. He has a lot of alternatives because he has size 8.5 feet and a size 8 skirt. He advises men who want to wear heels to start low and work their way up to a comfortable level.
What are your thoughts on Mark Bryan’s wardrobe selections? Would a man you know try wearing high heels? Talk about this with your loved ones and friends and let’s start a dialogue!
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