I Wanted to Teach My Husband a Lesson for Cheating on Me, but Life Punished Me Instead

Bethany’s perfect life shatters when she discovers a love note hidden in her husband’s jacket, hinting at his infidelity. Devastated and consumed by betrayal, she spirals into a quest for revenge that may destroy the very family she cherishes.

My name is Bethany, and I had everything a woman could ask for: a devoted husband, Noah, and two wonderful kids, Darcy and Jake. Every morning, I’d wake up feeling blessed, thinking, “This is it. I’ve made it.”

Until one mistake destroyed everything.

It was a Friday afternoon, and I was doing one of those deep cleans where you end up finding all sorts of forgotten treasures and junk. I was sorting through Noah’s jackets, wondering how one man could need so many, when I felt something crinkle in the pocket.

Curious, I pulled out a folded piece of paper, thinking it was an old receipt or a shopping list.

I unfolded the note, and my heart stopped. The words blurred as my mind tried to make sense of them.

“I will never forget Friday night. You were the best! I love you! I hope you will still divorce her and we will have the children we dream of!”

My hands shook. My first thought was denial. No, this couldn’t be true. Noah had said he was working late that Friday. He even brought home a project he was supposedly working on.

I felt a wave of nausea wash over me. I sat down, clutching the note, my mind racing.

For days, I was a mess. My perfect life began to crumble. I couldn’t look at Noah without seeing those words, imagining him with someone else. The betrayal cut deeper than I ever thought possible.

I became distant, preoccupied. Noah noticed, of course, but every time he asked if something was wrong, I brushed him off with a weak smile and a “just tired, that’s all.”

Darcy and Jake sensed the tension too.

Darcy would ask, “Mommy, are you okay?” And I’d plaster on a smile, trying to reassure her. But the cracks were showing, and everyone around me started to notice.

Friends invited me out, sensing I needed a break, but I couldn’t bring myself to go. I was drowning in a sea of confusion and hurt.

So, I did something I’d never done before. I went to a bar alone. The dim lights and low hum of conversation felt like a cocoon where I could hide from my reality. I ordered a drink. Then another. And another.

“Is this seat taken?” a smooth voice interrupted my thoughts.

I looked up to see a charming stranger with a warm smile. His name was Mark, and he had this easy confidence about him.

“I can’t,” he said, his voice breaking. “I don’t know how it got there! Is this why you’ve been so distant lately? Why didn’t you talk to me?”

“Because you would’ve denied it, just like you’re doing now!” I shot back.

Noah flinched. He looked at me, his eyes filled with so much pain, but then his expression hardened.

“So, this is your solution?” he gestured to Mark. “Instead of talking to me, you go out and hook up with the first Casanova you find?”

In the silence of our empty home, I reflected on everything that had happened. Trust and communication, I realized, were the foundations of any relationship. Without them, everything crumbles.

I sat down and wrote a letter to Noah, pouring my heart out. I apologized, begged for forgiveness, and promised to do better. I told him I loved him and that I understood if he needed time. But I hoped, someday, he could forgive me.

In seeking revenge, I had only punished myself the most. It was time to start making things right.

Matt Heath: My parting message: Enjoy things while they are around

A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.

Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.

Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.

Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.

Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.

A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”

Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.

While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?

Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”

With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.

There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).

A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.

Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.

Bless!

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