Ever find yourself needing a quick pick-me-up during a long day? Laughter is the perfect antidote to stress and boredom. This collection of 11 jokes is sure to deliver a healthy dose of humor.
Get ready to chuckle your way through these hilarious jokes about everything from bar buddies to blundering farmers. Whether you’re a fan of witty wordplay or quirky animal antics, there’s something here to tickle everyone’s funny bone.
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform waddling into a bar | Source: Midjourney
1. Drink Down
A guy walks into a bar and orders two shots. He drinks both and leaves. He does the same thing every day for a while.
One day, the bartender asks, “Why do you always order two shots?”
The guy says, “My brother and I used to drink together all the time, but now he lives far away. So, one shot is for me, and one is for him.”
Two brothers laughing while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
This goes on for a while, and then one day the guy only orders one shot.
The bartender worries and asks, “What happened? Is your brother okay?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, he’s fine. I just quit drinking.”
Man looking sad while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
2. Penguin Parade
A police officer stopped a semi-truck driver and asked for his license and registration. The officer heard odd sounds from the trailer and decided to inspect it. He found 50 penguins inside.
“Why are there 50 penguins in your truck?” the officer asked.
“They’re my buddies,” the driver replied. “We enjoy traveling together.”
“You can’t just own 50 penguins,” the officer said. “You need to take them to the zoo.”
Police officer frowning next to a semi-truck holding a notepad | Source: Midjourney
The driver agreed and drove away. The next day, the same officer stopped the same truck and heard the same strange noises. He checked the trailer and found the same 50 penguins.
“I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer exclaimed.
“I did!” the driver responded. “They had a great time. Today, we’re going to the beach.”
Penguins walking through a regular sunny beach | Source: Midjourney
3. The Plasterer
A duck waddled into a pub and asked for a beer and a ham sandwich.
The bartender stared and said, “Hold on a sec! You’re a duck!”
“That’s pretty obvious,” the duck replied.
“And you talk!” shouted the bartender.
“And you hear well!” the duck said. “Now, about that beer and sandwich?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform sitting at a bar eating a sandwich | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, right, sorry,” the bartender said, pouring the duck’s beer. “We don’t get many ducks around here. What brings you in?”
“I’m working at that construction site over there,” the duck explained. “I’m a plasterer.”
The bartender was surprised, but let the duck be when he pulled out a newspaper to read.
The duck read the paper, ate his food, and left. He did this every day for two weeks.
A duck sitting at a bar reading a newspaper | Source: Midjourney
Then, the circus came to town. The circus manager came into the pub, and the bartender said, “Hey, you’re with the circus, right? I know a duck who’d be a star in your show! He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the paper… he’s amazing!”
“Is that right?” the circus manager said, handing the bartender his card. “Tell him to give me a call.”
The next day, when the duck came in, the bartender said, “Hey Mr. Duck, I think I found you a fantastic job that pays really well.”
“I’m always interested in new opportunities,” the duck said. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” the bartender answered.
A circus in a field | Source: Midjourney
“The circus?” the duck asked.
“Yep,” said the bartender.
“The circus?” the duck asked again. “The one with the big tent?”
“Exactly!” said the bartender.
“With the animals in cages and people living in trailers?” asked the duck.
“That’s the one,” said the bartender.
“And the tent is made of that heavy fabric with a hole at the top?” the duck asked.
“That’s right!” said the bartender.
The duck shook his head and said, “Why would they need a plasterer?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform working as a plasterer | Source: Midjourney
4. Slowpoke Centipede
A man saw a sign at a pet store that said, “Talking Centipede $100.” He thought it was cool and bought it. When he got home, he opened the box and asked the centipede if it wanted to grab a beer. The centipede didn’t say anything, so the man thought he got ripped off.
After a while, he tried again. He shouted, “Want to go get a beer?” The centipede popped out of the box and said, “Be quiet! I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
A fairytale version of a centipede talking and putting on shoes inside a box | Source: Midjourney
5. Hell’s Handyman
An engineer died and went to Hell.
The devil was shocked because engineers don’t usually go there. Hell was a mess: the AC was busted, the pool was empty, and everything was broken.
The engineer got to work fixing things. He fixed the AC, filled the pool, and even made the roads better.
God saw that everyone in Hell was having fun, which wasn’t right. He asked the devil what was going on.
A cartoon version of God in Hell looking confused because people are having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
The devil said, “That engineer you sent here has been fixing everything. He’s made Hell a nice place!”
God said, “What? Engineers don’t belong in Hell! That was a mistake. Send him back so I can put him in Heaven!”
The devil said, “No way, we like him here.”
God said, “Send him back, or I’ll sue you!”
The devil laughed and said, “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
A cartoon version of the devil in Hell shrugging with people having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
6. The Big-Time Lawyer
Joe left his small town to go to college and law school. He became a lawyer and went back to his hometown because he wanted to be a big deal there.
He opened his own office, but no one came at first. One day, he saw a man walking toward his office. Joe wanted to impress this man, so he pretended to be on the phone.
A man sitting on a desk in a tiny office talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
When the man walked in, Joe started talking loudly on the phone, saying things like, “No way! Tell those guys in New York I want $1 million! I’m going to court next week! My team is the best! We’re going to win for sure! Yeah, the judge already knows I’m right! No, I don’t care what they offer, we’re not backing down!”
He talked like this for a long time while the man waited. Finally, Joe hung up the phone and said to the man, “Sorry I took so long, I’m really busy. What can I do for you?”
The man answered, “I’m here to install your phone line.”
Man in uniform standing by the doorway of an office | Source: Midjourney
7. Chick Magnet
A man from the city moved to the countryside and wanted to try farming. He went to the farm store and said, “I’ll take 100 baby chicks.”
The store worker gave him the chicks.
A week later, the man came back and said, “I need 200 baby chicks this time.” The worker gave him the chicks.
Another week passed, and the man returned. He said, “Give me 500 baby chicks.”
“Wow,” the worker said, “you must be doing great!”
A man dressed as a farmer smiling with small chicks nearby | Source: Midjourney
“Nope,” the man sighed. “I’m either putting them in the ground too deep or too far apart.”
8. Bachelors
Two single guys were chatting, and they started talking about cooking.
“I got a cookbook last year,” the first guy said, “but I couldn’t make anything from it.”
“Was it too hard?” the second guy asked.
“Totally! Every recipe started the same way: ‘Get a clean plate and…'”
A man holding a cookbook in a kitchen with a sink full of dirty plates | Source: Midjourney
9. Copy That?
A new worker was puzzled by the office shredder.
“Want some help?” offered a nearby secretary.
“Yes,” he said, “how do I use this?”
“Easy,” she replied, taking his thick report and putting it in the shredder.
“Thanks,” he smiled, “but what side do the copies come out?”
Man shrugging confused next to a paper shredder in an office hallway | Source: Midjourney
10. Whoa, Amen!
A man got lost in the desert. After wandering for weeks, he found a small house. He was tired and weak, so he crawled to the house and fainted.
The owner of the house, a kind and religious man, found him and helped him get better. When the man felt stronger, he asked for directions to the nearest town.
As he was leaving, he saw a horse. He asked the owner if he could borrow it. The owner agreed but said, “To make the horse go, say ‘Thank God.’ To make it stop, say ‘Amen.'”
A horse drinking water from a puddle next to a small house in a deserted area | Source: Midjourney
The man didn’t really listen and said, “Okay, sure.” He got on the horse and said, “Thank God,” and the horse started walking. He said, “Thank God, thank God,” and the horse started running. Feeling brave, the man shouted, “Thank God, thank God, thank God!” and the horse went even faster.
Suddenly, he saw a cliff ahead. He tried to stop the horse, yelling, “Whoa, stop!” Then he remembered, “Amen!”
The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The man took a deep breath and said, “Thank God.”
Man looking scared riding a horse | Source: Midjourney
11. Nutty Natter
A man went into a bar and ordered a beer. As he was drinking, he heard a voice say, “Nice tie!” He looked around, but he and the bartender were the only ones there. Then the voice said, “I like your shirt!” Confused, the man called the bartender over.
“Am I losing it?” he asked. “I keep hearing voices telling me nice things, but no one else is here.”
“It’s the peanuts,” the bartender answered.
“What?” the man asked.
“The peanuts,” the bartender said again. “They’re complimentary.”
Peanuts in a smiley face bowl on a bar counter | Source: Midjourney
Woman Ignores Letters from Man She Left 53 Years Ago, Visits Him Once and Finds a Ruined House — Story of the Day
A woman turns down her ex-lover’s invitation to meet him 53 years after they broke up, but when she comes across some of his old letters, she reconsiders her decision and visits him – only to find his house in shambles.
76-year-old Bessie Walsh had always been a joyful, vibrant woman, but after losing her better half Edward to cancer three years ago, she was reduced to a forlorn and dejected soul.
Bessie and Edward had been happily married for 45 years, had two lovely daughters, and had a beautiful home in a wonderful neighborhood. But when Edward left her for his heavenly abode, the cheerful woman was left heartbroken and alone.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
Bessie’s daughters, Stephanie and Cassandra, were both married and settled abroad, so the only company she had in her later years were her children’s photo albums and memories when they were young. As a result, she rummaged through her storeroom every evening to find all the old albums and sat for hours looking through them.
One evening, she was looking for one of their family albums when she found a stack of envelopes buried in a corner beneath an old crate. She dusted them off to have a better look at them when one of the envelopes fell to the floor, revealing a letter.
She brought everything into the living room and put on her glasses to read them, but as soon as she opened the first letter, her heart began to race.
“Hi Bessie,
This is Troy. I’m so sorry, Bess. Look, I understand you’re upset with me, but please give me a chance to explain myself. What you saw was not true, trust me. I have only loved you, and I won’t look at anyone the same way. Meet me today at the Red Rose Cafe at 5:00 p.m. I’m in your hometown. I’ll explain everything. I promise.
With love, Troy.”
No one could have predicted that the happy, constantly smiling Bessie would have a sad side too, but she did…
When she was 23, she was madly in love with Troy Evans, a young and attractive man. They’d met at university and fallen in love, and Troy had even proposed to her. Bessie had said yes without hesitation, and their wedding had already been planned. But then something happened one evening a week before the wedding that changed everything…
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
Bessie was out with her friends at a restaurant when she noticed Troy. She initially assumed she had misidentified the man as Troy, but she knew it was him when she looked at him again. She was about to approach him and give him a back hug when a gorgeous brunette ran up to him and kissed him on the cheek. Then they held each other’s hands and walked away to a table together.
Bessie was shocked, to say the least. “Really, Troy? You’re cheating on me!” She sobbed her way out of the restaurant that day, swearing never to see him again. However, she left him a farewell letter, stating she was moving back to her hometown and that everything between them was over.
Troy wrote numerous letters to her after receiving her final letter, begging her to give him a chance to explain himself, but she didn’t bother to read any of them. Later, she married Edward after falling in love with him. She’d even forgotten she had Troy’s letters with her until a postman showed up on her doorstep one day. “You’ve got a letter, ma’am. Pretty fancy! No one does it these days!”
Bessie wondered who would send her a letter as her parents had died a long time ago, and her husband was an orphan with no living relatives. She had opened the letter out of curiosity, only to discover that it was written by Troy.
“Dear Bessie,
It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? It took me a long time to find you, but I did. I didn’t come to meet you because I don’t want to cause problems in your marriage. But I just want to see you once, Bess. You haven’t responded to any of my letters in all these years, but please give me one chance to explain myself. I’m living in Chicago, and you’ll find my address inside the envelope. Please, Bess, meet me once. I’m hoping you won’t decline my request this time.
With love,
Troy Evans. “
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
It happened about a year after Edward’s death, and Bessie was still in grief, so she threw that letter and the others he’d sent later in the storeroom, never planning to read them. However, as she read one of his letters again this evening, she felt something – presumably a longing to be with someone or be loved – and moved on to the next one.
“Dear Bessie,
This is the last letter I’ll be writing you. I wrote to you so many times, and I really wanted to meet you, but I guess it won’t happen. So I’m writing this letter to explain why I kept telling you I didn’t cheat on you.
One of my friends had requested me to act as his sister’s boyfriend that day so that the boys who were stalking her wouldn’t bother her. Bess, it was all a joke. I wanted to tell you about it earlier, but you were at your grandparents’ house at the time, and when you got back, everything was messed up.
I’ve only loved you with all of my heart, and I’ve never even considered anyone else. I’m still single, and I’m hoping you’ll forgive me and come back to me. But if not, then I guess this is goodbye.
With love,
Troy Evans.”
Bessie’s eyes welled up as she finished reading. Troy had never been unfaithful to her. In truth, he had wanted to tell her everything, but she was too angry to think rationally. She couldn’t help but feel bad for the man who had honestly loved her his entire life. She rummaged through the letters in a frenzy to find the envelope with his address and decided to pay him a visit.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
However, when she arrived there, all she found was an old, decaying house with broken roofing and worn-out paint. She began inquiring with the neighbors about him, but nobody knew anything. Dejected, she had almost left the neighborhood when her gaze was drawn to a 95-year-old frail woman.
She’d been looking intently at her from the moment she’d arrived there. She felt there was something she knew and wanted to tell her, so she decided to approach her. “Excuse me, do you know anything about Troy Evans?” she gently asked.
The older woman didn’t utter a word and handed her a note. “Go to this address; he’ll be there. He left this place two years ago and never returned,” it said. Bessie realized the woman was mute, which is why she didn’t say anything.
“Thank you!” she whispered to the woman before heading to the address. An hour later, her search for Troy brought her to The Oliver Nursing Home, where she quickly spotted him. He was sitting immobile on a wheelchair in the outer yard, almost like a statue. His previously vibrant, sparkling eyes had a strange dead expression, and his face was dotted with wrinkles.
Bessie’s eyes welled up as she approached him. “Hi, Troy. How are you? It’s me, Bessie!”
The man slowly turned his wheelchair to face her, but he didn’t utter a word.
Bessie smiled at him, teary-eyed, and held his hand in hers. “I’m finally here, Troy. I’m sorry I ignored you all these years. Please forgive me,” she whispered gently.
Suddenly a voice interrupted her. “There’s no point in trying, ma’am. I’m afraid he won’t recognize you.”
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Shutterstock
Bessie turned around and saw a woman in her late 50s standing there. She was Debbie, Troy’s caretaker at the nursing home. She informed her that Troy had suffered from memory loss due to the stroke and was unable to speak.
Bessie’s heart sank when she heard that. Now that she finally met Troy after all these years, he was in such a condition that he didn’t even recognize her! But she decided she won’t give up so soon.
She began visiting him often and told him their stories – how they’d met, showed him the letters too – in the hopes that he would recall something. It didn’t help much initially, but once, when she went to meet him, he cried terribly after reading one of the letters. He kept sobbing, and it was the first time he finally recognized Bessie and called her name! Even the nurses were stunned. It was indeed a miracle!
Bessie brought Troy home that day, and they are now living happily together. She is grateful she decided to go through those letters that evening.
What can we learn from this story?
- Don’t jump to conclusions. Bessie thought Troy had cheated on him without giving him a chance to clarify himself.
- What’s meant to be will be. Troy and Bessie were fated to end up together, and that’s what happened in the end.
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