I was stunned when my husband, Jake, handed me a schedule to help me “become a better wife.” But instead of blowing up, I played along.Little did Jake know, I was about to teach him a lesson that would make him rethink his newfound approach to marriage.
I’ve always prided myself on being the level-headed one in our marriage. Jake, bless his heart, could get swept up in things pretty easily, whether it was a new hobby, or some random YouTube video that promised to change his life in three easy steps.
But we were solid until Jake met Steve. Steve was the type of guy who thought being loudly opinionated made him right, the type that talks right over you when you try to correct him.
He was also a perpetually single guy (who could have guessed?), who graciously dispensed relationship advice to all his married colleagues, Jake included. Jake should’ve known better, but my darling husband was positively smitten with Steve’s confidence.
I didn’t think much of it until Jake started making some noxious comments.
“Steve says relationships work best when the wife takes charge of the household,” he’d say. Or “Steve thinks it’s important for women to look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.”
I’d roll my eyes and reply with some sarcastic remark, but it was getting under my skin. Jake was changing. He’d arch his eyebrows if I ordered takeout instead of cooking, and sigh when I let the laundry pile up because, God forbid, I had my own full-time job.
And then it happened. One night, he came home with The List.
He sat me down at the kitchen table, unfolded a piece of paper, and slid it across to me.
“I’ve been thinking,” he started, his voice dripping with a condescending tone I hadn’t heard from him before. “You’re a great wife, Lisa. But there’s room for improvement.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Oh really?”
He nodded, oblivious to the danger zone he was entering. “Yeah. Steve helped me realize that our marriage could be even better if you, you know, stepped up a bit.”
I stared at the paper in front of me. It was a schedule… and he’d written “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife” at the top in bold.
This guy had actually sat down and mapped out my entire week based on what Steve — a single guy with zero relationship experience — thought I should do to “improve” myself as a wife.
I was supposed to wake up at 5 a.m. every day to make Jake a gourmet breakfast. Then I’d hit the gym for an hour to “stay in shape.”
After that? A delightful lineup of chores: cleaning, laundry, ironing. And that was all before I left for work. I was supposed to cook a meal from scratch every evening and make fancy snacks for Jake and his friends when they came over to hang out at our place.
The whole thing was sexist and insulting on so many levels I didn’t even know where to start. I ended up staring at him, wondering if my husband had lost his mind.
“This will be great for you, and us,” he continued, oblivious.
“Steve says it’s important to maintain structure, and I think you could benefit from —”
“I could benefit from what?” I interrupted, my voice dangerously calm. Jake blinked, caught off guard by the interruption, but he recovered quickly.
“Well, you know, from having some guidance and a schedule.”
I wanted to throw that paper in his face and ask him if he’d developed a death wish. Instead, I did something that surprised even me: I smiled.
“You’re right, Jake,” I said sweetly. “I’m so lucky that you made me this schedule. I’ll start tomorrow.”
The relief on his face was instant. I almost felt sorry for him as I got up and stuck the list on the fridge. Almost. He had no idea what was coming.
The next day, I couldn’t help but smirk as I studied the ridiculous schedule again. If Jake thought he could hand me a list of “improvements,” then he was about to find out just how much structure our life could really handle.
I pulled out my laptop, opened up a fresh document, and titled it, “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” He wanted a perfect wife? Fine. But there was a cost to perfection.
I began by listing all the things he had suggested for me, starting with the gym membership he was so keen on. It was laughable, really.
“$1,200 for a personal trainer.” I typed, barely containing my giggle.
Next came the food. If Jake wanted to eat like a king, that wasn’t happening on our current grocery budget. Organic, non-GMO, free-range everything? That stuff didn’t come cheap.
“$700 per month for groceries,” I wrote. He’d probably need to chip in for a cooking class too. Those were pricey, but hey, perfection wasn’t free.
I leaned back in my chair, laughing to myself as I imagined Jake’s face when he saw this. But I wasn’t done. Oh no, the pièce de résistance was still to come.
See, there was no way I could juggle all these expectations while holding down my job. If Jake wanted me to dedicate myself full-time to his absurd routine, then he’d have to compensate for the loss of my income.
I pulled up a calculator, estimating the value of my salary. Then, I added it to the list, complete with a little note: “$75,000 per year to replace Lisa’s salary since she will now be your full-time personal assistant, maid, and chef.”
My stomach hurt from laughing at this point.
And just for good measure, I threw in a suggestion about him needing to expand the house. After all, if he was going to have his friends over regularly, they’d need a dedicated space that wouldn’t intrude on my newly organized, impossibly structured life.
“$50,000 to build a separate ‘man cave’ so Jake and his friends don’t disrupt Lisa’s schedule.”
By the time I was done, the list was a masterpiece. A financial and logistical nightmare, sure, but a masterpiece nonetheless. It wasn’t just a counterattack — it was a wake-up call.
I printed it out, set it neatly on the kitchen counter, and waited for Jake to come home. When he finally walked through the door that evening, he was in a good mood.
“Hey, babe,” he called out, dropping his keys on the counter. He spotted the paper almost immediately. “What’s this?”
I kept my face neutral, fighting the urge to laugh as I watched him pick it up. “Oh, it’s just a little list I put together for you,” I said sweetly, “to help you become the best husband ever.”
Jake chuckled, thinking I was playing along with his little game. But as he scanned the first few lines, the grin started to fade. I could see the wheels turning in his head, the slow realization that this wasn’t the lighthearted joke he thought it was.
“Wait… what is all this?” He squinted at the numbers, his eyes widening as he saw the total costs. “$1,200 for a personal trainer? $700 a month for groceries? What the hell, Lisa?”
I leaned against the kitchen island, crossing my arms.
“Well, you want me to wake up at 5 a.m., hit the gym, make gourmet breakfasts, clean the house, cook dinner, and host your friends. I figured we should budget for all of that, don’t you think?”
His face turned pale as he flipped through the pages. “$75,000 a year? You’re quitting your job?!”
I shrugged. “How else am I supposed to follow your plan? I can’t work and be the perfect wife, right?”
He stared at the paper, dumbfounded.
The numbers, the absurdity of his own demands, it all hit him at once. His smugness evaporated, replaced by a dawning realization that he had seriously, seriously messed up.
“I… I didn’t mean…” Jake stammered, looking at me with wide eyes. “Lisa, I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I just thought —”
BRIDE KICKS HOMELESS MAN OUT OF HER WEDDING UNTIL HE STARTS SINGING A SONG THAT ONLY SHE & HER DAD KNEW.
The ballroom shimmered, a testament to months of meticulous planning. Crystalline chandeliers cast a warm glow on tables laden with floral arrangements, each bloom a perfect testament to the bride’s vision. Jessica, radiant in her designer gown, felt a thrill course through her. This was it. The wedding of the century.
But as the guests began to arrive, a wrinkle appeared in the otherwise flawless tapestry of her day. A security guard approached her, his face a mask of polite concern. “Ma’am, there’s an elderly gentleman at the entrance. He insists on seeing you, but… well, he doesn’t quite meet the dress code. And, if I may be frank, he seems… unkempt.”
Jessica sighed. Of all the days for a complication. “I don’t know any elderly gentlemen,” she said, her voice laced with annoyance. “Please, just have him removed. I don’t want anything to disrupt the reception.”
The security guard nodded and turned to leave. Jessica watched as he approached the entrance, her eyes narrowing as she spotted the man in question. He was old, his clothes worn and patched, his hair a tangled mess. He looked, frankly, like a homeless man. A wave of disgust washed over her. She couldn’t have that at her wedding.
“Please, take him away before my guests smell that stench,” she instructed, her voice clipped.
The old man tried to speak, to explain, but the security guards, ever efficient, quickly escorted him away. Jessica dismissed the incident, focusing once more on the festivities.
Later, as the band took a break and the guests mingled, a hush fell over the room. A lone figure had taken the stage. It was the old man, the one she had dismissed so readily. He held a microphone, his posture surprisingly dignified. Before Jessica could react, he began to sing.
The melody was haunting, melancholic, and achingly familiar. It was a song her father used to sing to her, a song he had written himself. A song only she and he knew. He had sung it to her just weeks before he died, when she was seven years old, a song about a little girl and her dreams.
Jessica froze. The blood drained from her face. The room seemed to fade away, replaced by the memory of her father’s warm smile and the sound of his gentle voice singing that very song. Tears welled in her eyes, blurring her vision.
As the last note faded, the old man lowered the microphone and stepped towards her. He stopped a few feet away, his eyes, surprisingly clear and intelligent, fixed on hers.
“Hello, Jessica,” he said, his voice raspy but kind.
Jessica couldn’t speak. She could only stare at him, her mind reeling.
“I know it’s been a long time,” he continued. “I’m… I’m your grandfather.”
The room gasped. Murmurs rippled through the crowd. Jessica’s mind raced, trying to reconcile the image of the disheveled old man with the grandfather she barely remembered. Her father had spoken of him occasionally, a man who had left their family when Jessica was a baby. A man she had thought was dead.
“Your father… he loved this song,” the old man said, his voice thick with emotion. “He sang it to you every night. He told me… he told me to sing it for you on your wedding day.”
Jessica’s tears flowed freely now, a mixture of grief and disbelief. She had never known her grandfather, had never even thought about him. And yet, here he was, on her wedding day, brought to her by a song from her father, a song that unlocked a flood of memories she hadn’t realized she had.
She rushed forward, throwing her arms around him. He was thin, frail, but his embrace was warm and strong. “Grandpa,” she whispered, her voice choked with tears.
The wedding of the century had taken an unexpected turn. It wasn’t just a celebration of her union with her fiancé; it was a reunion, a rediscovery of a lost part of her family. The old man, the one she had dismissed as a vagrant, had brought her a gift more precious than any diamond, a connection to her past, a reminder of the love that had shaped her. And as she stood there, in the arms of her grandfather, surrounded by the whispers of her guests, Jessica knew that this was the most meaningful, most unforgettable moment of her life.
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