Larry, our clipboard-wielding HOA dictator, had no idea who he was messing with when he fined me for my lawn being half an inch too long. I decided to give him something to really look at, a lawn so outrageous, yet so perfectly within the rules, that he’d regret ever starting this fight.
For decades, my neighborhood was the kind of place where you could sip tea on your porch in peace, wave to the neighbors, and not worry about a thing.
Then Larry got his grubby hands on the HOA presidency.
Oh, Larry. You know the type: mid-50s, born in a pressed polo shirt, thinks the world revolves around his clipboard. From the moment he took office, it was like someone handed him the keys to a kingdom.
Or at least, that’s what he thought.
Now, I’ve been living here for twenty-five years. Raised three kids in this house. Buried a husband too. And you know what I’d learned?
Don’t mess with a woman who’s survived kids and a man who thought barbeque sauce was a vegetable. Larry clearly didn’t get that memo.
Ever since I skipped his precious HOA meeting last summer, he’s been out for blood. Like I needed to hear two hours of droning on about fence heights and paint colors. I had more important things to do — like watching my begonias bloom.
It all started last week.
I was out on the porch, minding my business, when I spotted Larry marching up the driveway, clipboard in hand.
“Oh, here we go,” I muttered, already feeling my blood pressure spike.
He stopped right at the foot of the steps, and didn’t even bother with a hello.
“Mrs. Pearson,” he began, his voice dripping with condescension. “I’m afraid you’ve violated the HOA’s lawn maintenance standards.”
I blinked at him, trying to keep my temper in check. “Is that so? The lawn’s been freshly mowed. Just did it two days ago.”
“Well,” he said, clicking his pen like he was about to write me up for a felony, “it’s half an inch too long. HOA standards are very clear about this.”
I stared at him. Half. An. Inch. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
His smug little grin told me otherwise.
“We have standards here, Mrs. Pearson. If we let one person get away with neglecting their lawn, what kind of message does that send?”
Oh, I could’ve throttled him right there. But I didn’t. Instead, I just smiled sweetly and said, “Thanks for the heads-up, Larry. I’ll be sure to trim that extra half-inch for you.”
Inside, though? I was fuming. Who did this guy think he was? Half an inch?
I’ve survived diaper blowouts, PTA meetings, and a husband who once tried to roast marshmallows using a propane torch. I wasn’t about to let Larry the Clipboard King push me around.
That night, I sat in my armchair, stewing over the whole thing. I thought about all the times in my life I’d been told to “follow the rules,” and how I’d managed to bend them just enough to keep my sanity.
If Larry wanted to play hardball, fine. Two could play that game.
And then it hit me: the HOA rulebook. That stupid, dusty old thing Larry was always quoting. I hadn’t bothered with it much over the years, but now it was time to get acquainted.
I flipped through it for a good hour, and there it was. Clear as day. Lawn decorations, tasteful, of course, were completely allowed, as long as they stayed within certain size and placement guidelines.
Oh, Larry. You poor, unfortunate soul. You had no idea what you’d just unleashed.
The very next morning, I went on the shopping spree of a lifetime. It was glorious. I bought gnomes. Not just any gnomes, though, giant ones. One was holding a lantern, another was fishing in a little fake pond I set up in the garden.
And an entire flock of pink, plastic flamingos. I clustered them together like they were planning some sort of tropical rebellion.
Then came the solar lights. I lined the walkway, the garden, and even hung a few in the trees. By the time I was done, my yard looked like a cross between a fairy tale and a Florida souvenir shop.
And the best part? Every single piece was perfectly HOA-compliant. Not a single rule was broken. I leaned back in my lawn chair, watching the sun set behind my masterpiece.
The twinkling lights came to life, casting a warm glow over my gnome army and the flamingo brigade. It was, in a word, glorious.
But Larry, oh Larry, was not going to take this lying down.
The first time he saw my yard, I knew I had him. I was watering the petunias when I spotted his car creeping down the street. His windows rolled down, his eyes narrowing as they scanned every inch of my lawn.
The way his jaw clenched, his fingers tight on the steering wheel — it was priceless. He slowed to a crawl, staring at the gnome with the margarita, lounging in his lawn chair like he didn’t have a care in the world.
I gave Larry a little wave, extra sweet, as if I didn’t know I’d just declared war.
He stared at me, his face turning the color of a sunburned tomato, and then, without a word, he sped off.
I let out a laugh so loud it startled a squirrel in the oak tree. “That’s right, Larry. You can’t touch this.”
For a few days, I thought maybe, just maybe, he’d let it go. Silly me. A week later, there he was again, stomping up to my door with that clipboard, wearing his HOA President badge like he’d been knighted.
“Mrs. Pearson,” he began, not even bothering with pleasantries, “I’ve come to inform you that your mailbox violates HOA standards.”
I blinked at him. “The mailbox?” I tilted my head toward it. “Larry, I just painted that thing two months ago. It’s pristine.”
He squinted at it like he’d found some imaginary flaw. “The paint is chipping,” he insisted, scribbling something on his clipboard.
I glanced at the mailbox again. Not a chip in sight. But I knew this wasn’t about the mailbox. This was personal.
“You’ve got a lot of nerve,” I muttered, crossing my arms. “All this over half an inch of grass?”
“I’m just enforcing the rules,” Larry said, but the look in his eyes told a different story.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Sure, Larry. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”
He turned on his heel and strutted back to his car like he’d just delivered some life-altering decree. I watched him go, fury bubbling up inside me. Oh, he thought he could win this? Fine. Let the games begin.
That night, I hatched a plan. If Larry wanted a fight, he was going to get one. I spent the next morning back at the garden store, loading up on more gnomes, more flamingos, and just for fun, a motion-activated sprinkler system.
By the time I was done, my yard looked like a carnival of absurdity. Gnomes of all sizes stood proudly in formation, some fishing, some holding tiny shovels, and one, my new favorite, lounging in a hammock with a miniature beer in hand.
The flamingos? They’d formed their own pink plastic army, marching across the lawn with solar lights guiding their way.
But the pièce de résistance? The sprinkler system. Every time Larry came by to inspect my yard, the motion sensor would activate, spraying water in every direction. Totally by accident, of course.
The first time it happened, I nearly fell off the porch laughing.
Larry pulled up, clipboard ready, only to be met with a stream of water straight to the face. He spluttered, waving his arms like a drowning cat, and retreated to his car, soaked to the bone.
The look of pure outrage on his face was worth every penny I’d spent.
But the best part? The neighbors started to notice.
One by one, they began stopping by to compliment my “creative flair.”
Mrs. Johnson from three houses down said she loved the “whimsical” atmosphere. Mr. Thompson chuckled, saying he hadn’t seen Larry so flustered in years. And soon, it wasn’t just compliments. The neighbors started putting up their own lawn decorations.
It began with a few garden gnomes, but soon, flamingos popped up all over the cul-de-sac, twinkling lights appeared in every yard, and someone even set up a miniature windmill.
Larry couldn’t keep up.
His clipboard became a joke. The once-feared fines became a badge of honor among the residents, and the more he tried to tighten his grip, the more the neighborhood slipped through his fingers.
Every day, Larry had to drive past our gnomes, our flamingos, and our lights, knowing full well that we’d beaten him at his own game.
And me? I watched the chaos unfold with a smile on my face.
The whole neighborhood had come together, united by lawn ornaments and sheer spite. And Larry, poor Larry, was left powerless, just a man with a soggy clipboard and no authority to back it up.
So, Larry, if you’re reading this, keep on looking. I’ve got plenty more ideas where these came from.
Newly-unveiled statue of Queen Elizabeth II includes her beloved pet Corgis
A great deal of people felt sorrow upon Queen Elizabeth II’s passing in 2022. She was adored by the public and the longest-reigning monarch in British history, having ruled for 70 years.
The late queen is now being honored with a monument that was recently unveiled, honoring her affection for her pet corgis!
The Queen’s new statue, together with her dogs
On Sunday, a 7-foot-tall bronze statue of Queen Elizabeth was unveiled in observance of the monarch’s 98th birthday.
In Oakham, England, the sculpture was made by artist Hywel Pratley and is situated close to the Oakham Library. It is Queen Elizabeth’s first ever permanent memorial.
Rutland City Council said that hundreds attended the unveiling. There was music from local school bands and bagpipers.
The most priceless feature of this new memorial is that the queen’s cherished Corgis pet is also depicted, immortalized in bronze by the monarch’s feet:
The city authority claims that local schoolchildren created the designs for the Corgi monuments.
In contrast to the many stern and imposing monuments of queens like Queen Victoria, Pratley stated he wanted the statue to portray the idea of Queen Elizabeth as “an almost motherly figure,” according to the New York Times.
During the unveiling, local dignitary Sarah Furness remarked, “What most of us remember about Queen Elizabeth is her warmth.” “We demonstrate Queen Elizabeth’s humanity by showcasing her affection for dogs.”
The statue’s creator claims that he intended it to be hospitable to onlookers. Pratley said, “We designed it with a bench you can sit on.” “And there’s a corgi you can pet, and I do believe that this will eventually become a selfie-encouraging statue.”
The Times reports that a number of Corgi owners brought their dogs to the unveiling, indicating that a large number of people have already visited the statue.
The history of Queen Elizabeth’s Corgis pet
For many years, the Queen’s corgis were an iconic aspect of her life and a solace during tough political and personal times. Fans all throughout the world were likewise pleased by the cute pets.
The first Corgi was acquired by the royal family in 1933 when Dookie, a dog owned by Elizabeth’s father and predecessor George VI (who was then the Duke of York), was brought home.
Dookie was reportedly extremely cantankerous, yet Elizabeth and him appeared to have a unique relationship.
Then, on her eighteenth birthday, the Queen received a Pembroke Welsh corgi of her own, named Susan.
Susan reportedly slipped under a rug in the royal carriage to disrupt the wedding of the Queen and her husband, Prince Philip, according to the BBC.
1959 saw Susan’s death at the age of almost fifteen. Her epitaph referred to her as “the faithful companion of the Queen,” and she was laid to rest at the royal estate of Sandringham House.
The Queen stated, “I had always feared losing her, but I am ever so thankful that her suffering was so mercifully brief.”
But Susan left quite the legacy; during the ensuing few decades, the Queen accumulated over thirty corgis, all descended from her original canine companion.
The Queen always had at least one corgi, and often had several at once, from 1933 until 2018. She traveled with the dogs in tow, and they resided in a designated “Corgi room” at Buckingham Palace with wicker beds. It is said that the Queen took care of them personally and baked them biscuits over the holiday season.
These canines undoubtedly received royal treatment and grew to represent the Queen throughout her life.
While Elizabeth valued the dogs greatly, Prince Philip apparently didn’t feel the same way. Like many others, she took great solace from the dogs, who served as a link to the simpler times in her early years due to their relationship with her late father and her upbringing.
According to Penny Junor, a royal biographer, “her corgis are hugely important to her.” Over time, they have become more intimate with her than any human has ever been. She has never been let down by the incredibly affectionate and devoted corgis.
It also makes sense that the Queen, who represents both Britain and the United Kingdom, would have a strong bond with a quintessential British dog. Wales, a member of the UK and a neighbor of England, is where corgis first originated. When corgis were adopted as royal dogs, the breed was rare in England; yet, the Queen had a major role in the globalization of the breed.
The Queen owned several “dorgis,” or corgis bred with daschshunds, in addition to purebred Pembroke Welsh Corgis.
When the corgis and dorgis appeared alongside Queen Elizabeth on the cover of Vanity Fair in 2016, they became well-known worldwide because to Annie Leibovitz’s photography. At the time, the dogs were Candy, Vulcan, Willow, and Holly.
A notable aspect of Queen Elizabeth’s reign and a significant aspect of her life were her corgis. Their inclusion in this first memorial statue of her seems so fitting.
Please tell this tale!
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